Wednesday, October 15, 2008


It happened at midnight, a strange noise came from the kitchen. I got up as fast as I could and ran barefoot with a hammer in my right hand. I could see the light was on. But who was there at 2 am? I live alone with my wife, who was not there that night because the company she works for had a convention in another city. The kids were at their grandmother's (my mother) in still another city on vacation. I had had two bad nights with nightmares and all and now this! As I approached the kitchen I suddenly saw a shadow... wow... it was a bear, those big brown ones. But how the heck had it got into the house. It was winter, no bears roam around my cabin in winter. Strange. He had not smelled me yet, but I could not count on that for long. I decided to grasp the door’s knob and lock it before the beast could react... but I slipped. Oh No! The bear was busy eating something out of the cellar and he growled as he turned around to face me. He was only a few feet from me. I was helpless there lying awkwardly on the floor and the hammer had slipped out of my hand as well. Good Lord. I was in trouble. If I did not react quickly I would be part of this bear's dinner. Luckily as the monster approached me ever so slowly he too slipped. It seems he had emptied a jar full of syrup and had spilled most of it on the floor. This gave me the chance to get up and run. I reached the living room and grabbed my Winchester, which I only use to shoot into the air to frighten the wolves and bears when I walk in the wild. I hate killing animals for fun, they have the right to live in the wilderness, we are the intruders there. But this was now a different case. Such an unexpected visitor. My wife would've had a fit, luckily I was on my own, or was I lucky in the end? Anyway, I ran outside, into the bitter cold snowy night, still barefoot I circled the house nearing the kitchen. I could see the smashed window where the bear had come in. Now he was no where to be seen. He must've gone further into the house, I thought. But a sudden heavy breathing behind my back gave me goose bumps and scared me to death. I turned around and shot one round. But there was nothing there. How... I was puzzled. I could not make out what had happened. I ran again into the house and there it was, tearing at the furniture, destroying everything in its way. I loaded the riffle once again and made two shots not aiming at my visitor but at the ceiling. The beast instantly ran and crashed into one of the living room windows to get lost in the dark night. But still the breathing behind my back continued. I could almost feel the breathing on my neck and the growling was terrifying. Good Heavens. What to do and how to get rid of this horrendous situation. Was it a ghost? Maybe. But I decided to check. Slowly I started turning around and to my surprise the kitchen light was out now. I had not turned it off. Someone else was there. But who? Someone who had led the bear into my house. My mind rushed through its memory files at the speed of light. Which enemies had I these days? I could only think of my mother-in-law, she hates me a lot. Why? I can’t tell for certain, but I guess it is because we live too near her and my wife seldom visits her. On top, trying to be nice to her, I am the only one who visits her quite often with the kids during the week after school, while my wife is still at the office. I am the opposite of all males these days, I stay at home working on my computer while my wife commutes to work everyday. Too much for me, I decided to live a more tranquil life, which my wife can’t stand, she needs the adrenaline of a sales person, nudging and nagging at her clients all day long almost 24/7 – she makes many calls on the weekends. So my old fashioned mother-in-law thinks I am to blame for her daughter not visiting her. Now the light went on again. I slowly approached the kitchen expecting another bear or so. But to my surprise there she was… my mother-in-law, of course. She was cleaning the mess that the bear had left. She looked and smiled at me as I entered the kitchen. The expression on my face and the looks of me must’ve made her smile, but now she was laughing, laughing her head off. She looked like a mad person laughing and laughing non-stop. I could not make out what was happening. It all seemed like a mad house, if you asked me. Suddenly she took out a Magnum 45 behind her back and pointed it right at me saying: "Goodbye, I’ll see yer in hell you bastard,” and shot three rounds at me. None of which impacted on my body, instead the awful woman fell to the floor in a pool of blood with three shots in her head. My wife was standing in the door to the dining room with a smoking gun in her hands. My mother-in-law’s gun had not shot one single bullet, maybe it was dirty and did not work. That is in the end what the police told me later. My wife was taken into custody and I was left alone again repairing the broken windows. The bitter cold was now waging at my body, so I ducked myself into bed and woke up, Rio de Janeiro was looking beautiful this morning.